not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
