my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
As shirtless as possible
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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