Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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