Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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