I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
love makes seman taste better
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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