Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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