Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
the gays at disneyland are vicious
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize