so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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