We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
