Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
