I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
