I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
