A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
