I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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