whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
