ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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