Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
