If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
