just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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