How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
