I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
