Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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