Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
this will be a night to untag.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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