Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
