Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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