I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
