I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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