Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
