I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
