He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
