another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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