I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
