Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think your dad took our porno
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
