I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
