i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize