I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
