My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
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he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
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I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".