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• (806): View more from Texas

  My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.

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• (516): View more from New York

  my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.

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  27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex

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• (516): View more from New York

  he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell

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• (940): View more from Texas

  he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  How about a mike?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Already had two of those

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.

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  23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (360): View more from Washington

  I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.

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• (925): View more from California

  Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".

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