my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.