so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
