Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
