Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize