my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
