He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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