guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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