so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Randomize
