oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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