This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
