Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
