I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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