Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
