shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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