He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
