Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
