Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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