I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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