I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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