apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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