im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
