You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
