he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
