Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
