even my farts smell like vagina
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
