She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
