Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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